While going through all of this, I keep telling myself that the wedding is not the part that matters. What’s important is the marriage, the lifetime I’m going to spend with Jeremy. This has been what I’ve told myself when I’ve settled for things that didn’t exactly fit my dream wedding because they are cheaper. It’s not that important that I have an outdoor wedding in a beautiful location, the wedding is not the part that matters. It’s not that important that I have a unique reception location, the wedding is not the part that matters. It’s not that important that I have my wedding at the time of day I want to have it at, the wedding is not the part that matters. But the more I think that the wedding is not the part that matters, the more I think “Then why the hell am I even doing it?”
If I’m going to do a wedding, isn’t it important that I have the wedding I want? I mean, yeah, I’m going to have to make some compromises due to budget, but at what point do I need to put my foot down and say “If I’m not going to do it this way, I don’t see the point of doing it at all.”? My wedding is supposed to be a dream day of sorts. I know it’s not going to be perfect, and I don’t expect that, but I don’t want to spend ten to twelve thousand dollars on a wedding that I feel mediocre about, when clearly, the wedding is not even the part that matters. If I’m going to drop five figures, it better be on something I love. If its not a wedding, fine, I can save that five figures for a vacation, downpayment on a new home, paying down student loans, paying for a home birth (which I could actually pay for several home births with that kind of money), etc.
Jeremy keeps saying that if we don’t have a wedding, we might regret it later, which is absolutely true. But we also might regret spending this much money on a day we weren’t even that into as well. I want to re evaluate how I want to do this wedding, I think, because I’m not happy with the direction it’s heading right now.